Why You’re Working Too Hard to Make the Sale

This weekend I was out at a cocktail bar with a friend. One of those nights where you feel good about yourself, great outfit, good company, easy conversation. I was wearing a red lace bodysuit that zipped up the back. Halfway through chatting with the very handsome waiter, I felt it. That tiny resistance you know too well, then the unmistakable feeling of a zip giving up.

The zip had broken from halfway down my back, leaving the top part just about holding together. There was absolutely nothing I could do. I felt it as we were talking, but I smiled, carried on chatting, and then when he left, my friend and I just burst out laughing.

Here’s the thing, I didn’t panic, fuss, or try to cover it. It wasn’t obvious to anyone else, and honestly, it just wasn’t worth ruining the night over. I held my head high and carried on as if nothing had happened.

That’s the same reason so many business owners struggle in sales. The moment something feels uncertain, they lose composure. A buyer hesitates, asks about price, or pushes back slightly, and instead of staying steady, they start overcompensating. They talk faster, explain more, try harder.

The problem isn’t your skill or your service. It’s that you’re doing the buyer’s thinking for them. You’re trying to make the sale through effort instead of leadership.

And that’s exactly why it feels like hard work.

You’re Doing the Buyer’s Thinking for Them

When I talk to business owners about their sales conversations, I often see the same pattern play out. They’re working far harder than they need to, not because their offer isn’t good, but because they’re trying to control the outcome.

It usually starts innocently. They jump in too early to answer questions that haven’t been asked yet. They start overexplaining, thinking if they just share a bit more detail, the buyer will feel reassured. They misread silence as resistance and start pre-empting objections that might not even exist.

You’ve probably done it yourself, that moment where the buyer goes quiet, and before they can even process what you’ve said, you blurt out, “But I can give you a discount if that helps.” They hadn’t even said it was too expensive, but because the silence felt uncomfortable, you filled it.

That’s doing the buyer’s thinking for them.

And I get it, I really do. Most people were never actually taught how to sell properly. They’ve fumbled their way through, picking up habits that come from fear, not skill. The fear of rejection, of losing the deal, of being seen as too pushy, it all shows up in that extra effort.

But here’s the hard truth: all that effort doesn’t build trust, it breaks it.

When you start talking too much, explaining too much, or discounting too quickly, what you’re really saying is, “I don’t trust you to make the right decision without my help.”

That’s not leadership, that’s insecurity dressed as enthusiasm.

I see this play out all the time, especially when cashflow is tight. The energy shifts from confidence to desperation, and the buyer feels it instantly. When you’re selling from a place of panic, people can sense it. You might not say you’re desperate, but it shows in the pace of your speech, in the way you jump in to fill silence, in how quickly you offer a lower price. And the worst part? That desperate energy doesn’t bring more sales, it pushes them away.

It’s what I call the illusion of effort. It feels like you’re doing something productive because you’re talking, explaining, working hard. But what you’re actually doing is eroding your authority.

You don’t make more sales by working harder. You make more sales by working smarter, by letting the buyer do their own thinking while you lead the conversation calmly.

How to Stop Overcompensating and Lead Instead

When you strip it back, sales leadership isn’t about pressure. It’s about presence. It’s about guiding someone through their own decision-making process without trying to rush, fix, or force it.

The first shift is learning to hold your composure. When a buyer hesitates, don’t take it personally. Silence doesn’t mean rejection, it means they’re processing. Most people talk themselves out of the sale in those quiet moments. They start filling the space, answering questions that weren’t asked, and proving value that wasn’t questioned.

Hold your silence. Let them think. It’s one of the simplest and most powerful sales skills you can develop.

Next, focus on clarity, not control. When you try to control the conversation, you become reactive. You start thinking about what to say next instead of listening to what they’ve actually said. Control is rooted in fear. Clarity is rooted in confidence.

Ask questions that show you’ve been listening: “You mentioned earlier that you’re struggling with X, tell me more about what that looks like day to day.” Repeat their words back to them. Clarify what they’ve said. People feel understood when you mirror their language, not when you tell them how much you can help.

Then, shift from talking about features to talking about results. Most people oversell the what, what’s included, how long it takes, what’s delivered. Buyers don’t care about that. They care about the then what. What changes for them if they work with you? What result do they walk away with?

Selling isn’t about what you do; it’s about what they become.

And finally, remember that leadership in sales is about neutrality. Not everyone is your buyer, and that’s okay. You don’t need every yes. You just need the right ones. When you lead from neutrality, you take the pressure out of the process. Buyers can sense it immediately.

When you’re detached from the outcome, you become magnetic. People trust calm. They follow certainty.

The Structure That Builds Confidence

Confidence in sales doesn’t come from personality, it comes from structure. You can’t stay calm and composed if you’re winging it.

That’s why I teach business owners to use a simple framework that keeps them in control of the process without forcing the sale.

Start with qualification. Before you even book a call, know who you want to work with. Be clear on who you serve best. If they’re not your ideal client, don’t take it further. Trying to convince the wrong person always leads to frustration.

Once you know who you want to work with, identify whether they fit that criteria. That’s where your discovery call comes in. This is the conversation that determines whether they’re the right fit for what you offer. If they are, only then should you move to the next stage.

Then move to your sales conversation, what I call the strategy session. This is where you dig deep. Understand where they are now, where they want to be, and what’s standing in their way. Let them talk. Your role is to listen, reflect, and guide.

When you present your solution, focus on how it solves their problem, not on every feature of your service. Connect the dots for them. Show them the transformation, not the task list.

Then, always take final responsibility for the next step. I call it TFR, a concept I first learned from The Telephone Assassin, and it’s one of the most valuable habits in sales. Don’t leave a call with vague outcomes like, “I’ll send something over.” End with clarity and timeframes. If they need to think about it, book a specific follow-up call so the decision doesn’t drift.

And always follow up. Not endlessly, not desperately, but professionally and confidently. Follow up because leadership follows through.

If you haven’t yet built a structure that supports your confidence, have a read of Stop Winging It: Build a Sales Process That Works Every Time.

Structure gives you calm, and calm builds trust.

Selling with Confidence — The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

Here’s the truth most people don’t like to admit, you can’t fake confidence. Buyers can read your energy before they read your words.

Confidence isn’t loud. It’s quiet, grounded, and certain. It’s the steady hand in the conversation. As Tony Robbins puts it in his article on 9 tips for sales confidence, confidence isn’t something you’re born with, it’s something you train through mindset and consistent action and that aligns perfectly with how I see it. It starts with self-belief, knowing that your solution works and that the right clients will see the value.

When you believe in what you’re offering, your tone changes. Your language changes. You stop trying to convince, and you start to lead.

The problem is, when you doubt yourself, it leaks. You hesitate before saying your price. You soften your language. You apologise for value that doesn’t need apologising for. That hesitation tells the buyer you’re uncertain, and if you’re uncertain, they can’t be confident.

Sales confidence is built on mindset. You need to believe in what you’re offering so strongly that a no doesn’t shake you. Not everyone is the right fit, and that’s not rejection, that’s clarity.

The most successful business owners I know sell from neutrality. They care deeply about their clients but aren’t attached to the outcome of each conversation. They know their service delivers results, and if this buyer isn’t ready, someone else will be.

When you remove desperation from your energy, the right clients say yes faster, and often at higher rates. I’ve seen it happen again and again. The moment someone stops chasing, the dynamic shifts. Buyers stop negotiating down because they can feel the certainty on the other side.

It’s not arrogance, it’s alignment.

From Hustle to Leadership

Selling isn’t about performance, it’s about presence. Buyers don’t want to be convinced, they want to feel confident in their decision.

That night at the cocktail bar, I didn’t need to hide what had happened. I didn’t need to overreact or apologise. I just stayed composed and carried on.

That’s what sales leadership looks like. Staying composed when things don’t go perfectly. Trusting yourself enough to lead the conversation instead of performing for approval. 

The moment you stop trying to do the buyer’s thinking for them, everything gets easier. Conversations flow. Objections fade. Confidence builds naturally.

You don’t need to hustle. You don’t need to force. You just need to lead. 

If you’re ready to stop overcompensating and start selling with clarity and composure, book a Business Performance Strategy Session. We’ll pinpoint exactly where your sales are costing you energy and show you how to rebuild your approach so sales feel simple, natural, and effective.

Because the best sales don’t come from trying harder. They come from calm, confidence, and composure, even when the zip gives way halfway through the conversation.

​