Feeling Trapped

I have known since 13 years old, I wanted to be a lawyer. Would you believe thanks to Ally McBeal. There are no dancing babies in the real legal world.

Despite being told by my A level lecturer I will never make it as a solicitor, I qualified in 2009. Perhaps she knew I was the type of person that if I am told I can’t do something, it makes me work even harder to ensure I achieve it.

I feel proud of the fact I not only qualified as a solicitor despite being told I would never make it, but also of the fact I set up a law firm before the age of 30. Just unheard of in the legal world.

Despite my achievements, I never really felt I 100% fitted in.

Have you ever felt like you don’t fit in?

After the Harry and Meghan interview, the question of fitting in, in my view is even more prevalent.

In my experience many institutions are stuck and people like me, may never feel like they fit in. Whilst maybe seen as a controversial comment, the legal profession is still of white male privilege. I didn’t come from a background of wealth and privilege. My dad worked damn hard to enable me to go to university. I was the first person in my family to go!

I recall going to a networking event in Cambridge with my then husband. It was a room full of accountants, lawyers, bankers etc. I tried to work the room. But I felt like I was an imposter. I knew I deserved to be there, I had qualified as a solicitor, I even had my own law firm. But I felt I shouldn’t be there, I didn’t fit in. I wasn’t congratulated on achieving what I had at such a young age, or respected. I just was not taken seriously. This is inherently what is wrong with the legal profession and sadly many other institutions. The legal profession are largely behind the times in terms of progression in attitude, in technology (there are a few software companies trying to push forward) and in marketing strategies (instead firms expect clients will just turn up or continue to come back).

On reflection it was clear I was looked at in a way as if to say how dare you … I wanted to change the institution from within. Initially it was about clients feeling like they truly mattered. But in reality in my view it’s far more broken than that.

It doesn’t matter what they say in terms of the legal world progressing with more people of a variety of ethnic origins and more female judges and partners etc, it is still a world based on privilege. A world where you have to fight to be respected if you are a woman, especially if you are young and have your own firm. Whereas potentially as a white man especially of a wealthy background you are automatically respected. Now I appreciate what I am saying may come across as being controversial. I can only speak from my experience.

Now I could have continued trying to fight from within to change perceptions. But after the additional challenges I realised that I no longer loved the law. Those challenges are no doubt for a future article and talk. What I do know is I no longer felt I could make the changes I wanted to make. Instead I wanted to work on me and become the person I feel proud of.

Ultimately I realised by being a lawyer I couldn’t be myself. I couldn’t be who I’m supposed to be. I was expected to be a certain way. Even friends would place me on this pedestal of expectation.

So after some soul searching and a lot of self reflection I decided I could help people in a different way. Thats when I set up SLJ Group, which encompasses my passion for business and helping other business owners not fall into the pitfalls I did. Help them boost the performance of their business. But also using mindset coaching where I use the tools that I did to transform my mind and my life. I want to share my knowledge and experience to help others.

Now I feel truly free. Now I feel like I can be me. I can do whatever I want to do in the world. I am sure there will be judgment of some kind in the future, after all it sadly appears to be a human trait, but it won’t be on the level I have previously experienced. Now I have the self belief and comfort in my own skin to let it be water off a ducks back.

If you would like to hear more about how I can help you and your business then please contact info@sljconsultancy.co.uk